Lucia America "Lucy" was born yesterday via repeat c-section at 2:10. She weighed 1 lb 1 oz and was 11 inches long. She was examined, cleaned up, wrapped up, and passed to my husband. On the outside, she was perfect except for a tiny skin tag in the middle of her little chest. She was so tiny and so skinny still, but she was absolutely beautiful to me. It's amazing to me that human beings can be such tiny, but well formed creatures. She had tiny hands and feet and even fingernails and toenails. She had a little bit of dark hair, but she had blondish red eyebrows and very blonde eyelashes. Her eyes were big, just like Isaac's and she had her big toe and second toe spread apart on one foot like he liked to do when he was a newborn. Her little ears were just perfect, every little crease and detail so exact. After they sewed me up, the took me back to the room with Lucy in my arms. We got to spend just a little over an hour with her before she went home to be with God. We had a chance to take some pictures, and a very nice lady named Sharon from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep was there in the OR and the room to take pictures for us. We dressed her up in one of the beautiful outfits from www.jaquispreemiepride.com. I highly recommend this website for anyone who has a preemie or micropreemie. The clothes came super fast and they were just absolutely beautiful and handmade. She spent her last moments with her precious little head resting on my chest, exactly where I wanted her to be. It was the most beautiful and saddest moment of my life, but I will always treasure the chance I had to spend with my little girl. I feel peace that we made the correct decision in deciding on comfort care. I was terrified that she would be stressed or in distress, but she was quite peaceful. The best part is knowing for sure that she is with God now, free from any pain, suffering, illness, worries, heartache, guilt, sin, and separation from God. My selfish side wishes she were still here with me in my arms, but my heart and soul know that she couldn't be in a better place right now.
My husband and I would like to thank everyone who has sent us cards, emails, text messages, comments, facebook messages, flowers, candy, food, and more than anything love and prayers to heaven for us. I woke up early this morning thinking about what a strange and amazing experience this has been. We have truly seen God working through other people to show His love to us. We have seen Him answer prayers asking for wisdom about what to do with Lucy after birth. Despite something that could possibly be the saddest thing I will ever have to experience in this life, I have been filled with amazing joy at the same time by the outpouring of love we have been shown and by all that Lucy has taught us about God and others and ourselves.
Some verses came to mind this morning that I think I never truly understood until now.
Here are a few:
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Oh, and He has filled us with joy and peace in this difficult time!
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
God is guarding our hearts and minds from depression, desperation, and darkness.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
One thing about being in the hospital and being helpless (i.e. legs are totally numb) is that you have to just trust that others will take care of you and give up any sense of guilt or fear that you will be embarrassed by your weakness. Once you just let other take over for a while, it is such a relief to rest and be taken care of when you are not able to do it for yourself. I think that God wants us to be like this ALL of the time with Him, but it is so easy to think we are self-sufficient when things are going well. Therefore, when we are weak with sadness, grief, loss, and helplessness, God can finally take over and show us how great is His power and love for us. I pray that I don't forget this feeling of how wonderful it us to be carried, or that I also need to carry those around me in times of need. And, I thank all of you who are helping to carry our burdens at this time. You are God's hands and feet and arms!
I am so grateful, once again, for all the help we have received, for the kind staff here at the hospital, for our family and friends, and especially our spiritual family. I am grateful for new friends who live far away and have been praying and hoping along with us. I am grateful for my sweet husband who has been very strong for both of us throughout this whole ordeal and has been a rock for our family. I am grateful for my little boy, who reminds me to thank God every day for the blessings I already have and who reminds me to laugh and look at the world with wonder and amazement.
I don't know if I will be posting on the blog anymore, but if I think of something I really need to share, I will.
God bless you all and keep walking with Him. He is the only light and hope in this world, and the only One who can keep us from destruction and spiritual death.