Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Mayflies in February and Junebugs in April

Well, everything seems to be coming early this year. The mayflies came around in February, and the pear trees bloomed, too. And it seems my little Junebug will most likely be born in April. The perinatologist told me today that he's seeing high resistance in the umbilical cord and some blood flowing backwards, which means that labor could be as early as 2-3 weeks away. He prescribed me a round of steroids to take tomorrow to mature her lungs and other organs and/or help decrease the pressure in the umbilical cord. Since she only weighs just over a pound, and is only gaining an eighth of a pound a week, this means that she will likely weigh less than a pound and a half a birth. This most likely excludes the possibility of being a candidate for the hernia repair or heart surgery.

After that appointment I met a wonderful lady, Karen, who showed me around the NICU, labor and delivery, and walked me to my cardiologist appointment. It's so nice to have kind people working with you in a time like this.

The new cardiologist, Dr. Laird, was very nice also. He himself spent at least 30 minutes taking images of Lucy's heart after the 20 minutes with the tech, and he talked to me for another 20 minutes or so afterward. He was very thorough and very kind. On the way out of the office I noticed they had a picture on the wall with Isaiah 40:31 and I felt like I had found the right place to be.

After the cardiologist, I saw a geneticist, who was not hopeful at all for Lucy, but she did reassure me that there was very little chance we would ever have a baby with chromosomal abnormalities again if we choose to try again.

I have to go back to Dallas on Thursday (and I have a glucose tolerance test tomorrow, which seems really silly at this point, but I suppose I should go). They will do another ultrasound there and I'll meet my new high risk OB, Dr. Farley. I'm hoping they will say that things don't look as serious as they did today, but no matter what, I know it will be ok. 

It's really easy to say that I believe that everything belongs to God, but when it comes right down to it, I realize I haven't really believed it. I have believed that everything is mine, especially my children, but the truth is that none of it is mine. I don't deserve anything. Everything I have is a gift. I have said it many times, but now I need to believe it. The slogan for the Susan G. Komen 3 day walk really irks me: "Because everyone deserves a lifetime." Says who? No one deserves anything. We're given so much that we, that I, forget all the time that God has richly blessed me with too many things to count, especially considering how faithless I have been for periods of time in my life. I'm reminded of what God told the Israelites in Deuteronomy 8, telling them to be careful to remember Him after they had eaten and were satisfied, otherwise they might become proud and start to say that their own effort had brought them riches. And of course, God was right. The Israelites got to the promised land and had everything they could ever want and totally forgot about God and started to believe in themselves and in idols. And I have done the same. But I am nothing but a tiny speck in the scheme of things. The fact that I have a husband, a healthy child, a job, a car, a family, friends, a church family, a roof over my head, more than enough food to eat and clothes to wear is not proof that I have done something right, but rather that God has been extremely merciful and patient with me. And even if I didn't have any of these things, God would still be faithful and merciful. 

So, I am thankful for Lucy, though I am pretty certain that she won't be with us for long. But she has reminded me to humble myself before God and remember that I am nothing and deserve nothing.

Here are a couple of verses for today:

Isaiah 40:31
"but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall run and not be faint."

Job 1: 20-21
"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped9
. And he said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.'"


  1. I love those verses. I have spent alot of time thinking about why so many babies don't make it. I wish I understood. I know this side of heaven, I wont have the answers. But at the end of the day I know god is good. He is with us in our pain. I will be praying for you. For Lucy. For a miracle. For peace and strength. I already see that strength in you. Perhaps God is already preparing your heart and mind. Sending you love and prayers.


  2. Becky, I have so much love for you. You are a precious, precious person and you bring light to everyone around you. Even facing an unbelievably tough time you truely are a city on a hill and a light to the world around you. Your light gives me strength. I wish I could offer you comfort of some kind but I know there really isn't anything I can say or do. Please know that I am praying. So fervently praying. Our whole family is praying. I know you know how important music is in my life and how it soothes me. When I read this I was reminded of two songs "We Are" by Kari Jobe that come directly from Matthew 5:16 Lucy is shining her little light in a big way already!! And also, your words and thoughts remind me of Laura Story's song "Blessings" If you haven't heard it you should google it. Powerful song and your strength and courage bless me in ways that I cannot explain. May God's blessing rain down on you, Emilio and Issac and may His hands hold and strengthen little Lucy, guide every doctor and may you feel His love around you every step of the way.


  3. Becky and Emilio,
    I attend worship in Moscow, ID with Wendy and Rob Ewest. Wendy has asked for prayers for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your thoughts as you journey through a very difficult time in your life.
    May God richly bless you and keep you in His care as you travel this road. And, may you always look to Him for strength and guidance for He is an awesome God who doesn't always give us a reason why things happen to us. But, comforts us, and blesses us in ways that you won't know until later on in your life.
    Your sister in Christ,

  4. I am a part of Wendy and Rob Ewest's extended family. I have been so touched by your story. I have learned in my lifetime that God almost always has lessons and insights for us even in times of grief and sorrow. I am praying that you will be able to marvel at what God will do for you and your family in the following days.

    Bethelline Schaefer

  5. My name is Helen and I go to Powers Ferry with Kayleigh Palmer. I just wanted to drop a line to say hi and "keep fighting". I also have a genetic abnormality similar to your Lucy's called Turner's Syndrome (TS), also the mosaic form. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 12. Your story reminds me yet again that I am blessed to be alive with my condition! I'm praying that your sweet Lucy will surprise us all and live to be well!